{"id":185,"date":"2020-06-08T11:38:57","date_gmt":"2020-06-08T11:38:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.thefugitiveking.uk\/?page_id=185"},"modified":"2025-01-31T11:21:07","modified_gmt":"2025-01-31T11:21:07","slug":"extract-from-1066-and-all-that","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.thefugitiveking.uk\/index.php\/extract-from-1066-and-all-that\/","title":{"rendered":"Extract from 1066 and All That"},"content":{"rendered":"
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With the ascension of Charles I to the throne we come at last to the Central Period of English History (not to be confused with the Middle Ages, of course), consisting in the utterly memorable Struggle between the Cavaliers (Wrong but Wromantic) and the Roundheads (Right and Repulsive). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Charles I was a Cavalier King and therefore had a small pointed beard, long flowing curls, a large, flat, flowing hat, and gay attire. The Roundheads, on the other hand, were clean-shaven and wore tall, conical hats, white ties, and sombre garments. Under these circumstances a Civil War was inevitable. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\tThe \n\t\tRoundheads, of course, were so called because Cromwell had all their \n\t\theads made perfectly round, in order that they should present a uniform \n\t\tappearance when drawn up in line. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\tBesides \n\t\tthis, if any man lost his head in action, it could be used as a \n\t\tcannon-ball by the artillery (which was done at the Siege of Worcester).\n\t\t<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\tFor a \n\t\tlong time before the Civil War, however, Charles had been quarrelling \n\t\twith the Roundheads about what was right. Charles explained that there \n\t\twas a doctrine called the Divine Right of Kings, which said that: \n\t\t<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\t(a) He \n\t\twas King, and that was right. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\t(b) \n\t\tKings were divine, and that was right. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\t(c) \n\t\tKings were right, and that was right. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\t(d) \n\t\tEverything was all right. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\tBut so \n\t\tdetermined were the Roundheads that all this was all wrong that they \n\t\tdrew up a Petition called the Petition of Right to show in more detail \n\t\twhich things were wrong. This Petition said: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\t(a)   \n\t\tThat it was wrong for anyone to be put to death more than once for the \n\t\tsame offence. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\t(b)  \n\t\tHabeas Corpus, which meant that it was wrong if people were put in \n\t\tprison except for some reason, and that people who had been mutilated by \n\t\tthe King, such as Prynne, who had often had his ears cut off, should \n\t\talways be allowed to keep their bodies. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\t(c)   \n\t\tThat Charles’s memorable methods of getting money, such as Rummage and \n\t\tScroungeage, were wrong. But the most important cause of the Civil War \n\t\twas Ship Money <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\tCharles \n\t\tI said that any money which was Ship Money belonged to him; but while \n\t\tthe Roundheads declared that Ship Money could be found only in the Cinq \n\t\tPorts, Charles maintained that no one but the King could guess right \n\t\twhich was Ship Money and which wasn’t. This was, of course, part of his \n\t\tDivine Right. The climax came when a villager called Hampden (memorable \n\t\tfor his dauntless breast) advised the King to divine again. This so \n\t\tupset Charles that he went back to Westminster, and after cinquing \n\t\tseveral ports burst into the House of Commons and asked in a very royal \n\t\tway for some birds which he said were in there. The Parliament, who were \n\t\tmostly Puritans, were so shocked that they began making solemn Leagues \n\t\tand Countenances. Charles therefore became very angry and complaining \n\t\tthat the birds had flown raised his standard at Nottingham and declared \n\t\twar against Hampden and the Roundheads. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\tThe War\n\t\t<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\tAt \n\t\tfirst the King was successful owing to Prince Rupert of Hentzau, his \n\t\tfamous cavalry leader, who was very dashing in all directions. After \n\t\tthis, many indecisive battles were fought at such places as Newbury, \n\t\tEdgehill, Newbury, Chalgrove Field, Newbury, etc., in all of which the \n\t\tCavaliers were rather victorious. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\tThe \n\t\tRoundheads therefore made a new plan in order to win the war after all. \n\t\tThis was called the Self Denying Ordnance and said that everyone had to \n\t\tdeny everything he had done up to that date, and that nobody was allowed \n\t\tto admit who he was: thus the war could be started again from the \n\t\tbeginning. When the Roundheads had done this they were called the New \n\t\tMoral Army and were dressed up as Ironclads and put under the command of \n\t\tOliver Cromwell, whose Christian name was Oliver and who was therefore \n\t\taffectionately known as `Old Nick’. Cromwell was not only moral and \n\t\tcompletely round in the head but had a large (round) wart on the nose. \n\t\tHe was consequently victorious in all the remaining battles such as \n\t\tNewbury, Marston Moor, Edgehill (change for Chalgrove), Naseby, Newbury, \n\t\tetc. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\tBlood \n\t\tand Ironclads <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\tWhen \n\t\tCharles I had been defeated he was brought to trial by the Rump \n\t\tParliament so-called because it had been sitting for such a long time \n\t\tand was found guilty of being defeated in a war against himself, which \n\t\twas, of course, a form of High Treason. He was therefore ordered by \n\t\tCromwell to go and have his head cut off (it was, the Roundheads pointed \n\t\tout, the wrong shape, anyway). So wromantic was Charles, however, that \n\t\tthis made little difference to him and it is very memorable that he \n\t\twalked and talked Half an hour after his Head was cut off. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\tOn \n\t\tseeing this, Cromwell was so angry that he picked up the mace (the new \n\t\tand terrible Instrument of Government which he had invented) and, \n\t\tpointing it at the Head, shouted: `Take away that Marble,’ and announced \n\t\tthat his policy in future would be just Blood and Ironclads. In order to \n\t\tcarry out this policy he divided the country into twelve districts and \n\t\tset a Serjeant-Major over each of them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\tRule of \n\t\tthe Serjeant-Majors <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\tNothing \n\t\tsickened the people of the rule of the Serjeant Majors so much as their \n\t\tcruel habit of examining little boys viva-voce. For this purpose the \n\t\tunfortunate children were dressed in their most uncomfortable satins and \n\t\tplaced on a stool. The Serjeant-Major would then ask such difficult \n\t\tquestions as `How’s your Father?’ or `Animal, Vegetable, or Mineral?’ \n\t\tand those who could not answer were given a cruel medicine called \n\t\tPride’s Purge. All this was called the Crommonwealth and was right but \n\t\trepulsive. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\tThe \n\t\tCrowning Mercy <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\tThe \n\t\tRoundheads at length decided to offer Cromwell the Crown. Cromwell, \n\t\thowever, was unwilling and declared it was a Crowning Mercy when he \n\t\tfound that it would not fit, having been designed for a Cavalier King.\n\t\t<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\tSoon \n\t\tafter, Cromwell died of a surfeit of Pride, Purges, Warts, and other \n\t\tBaubles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\tCharles \n\t\tII was always very merry and was therefore not so much a king as a \n\t\tMonarch. During the civil war he had rendered valuable assistance to his \n\t\tfather’s side by hiding in all the oak-trees he could find. He was thus \n\t\tvery wromantic and popular and was able after the death of Cromwell to \n\t\tdescend to the throne. After that he stopped being arboreal. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

With the ascension of Charles I to the throne we come at last to the Central Period of English History (not to be confused with the Middle Ages, of course), consisting in the utterly memorable Struggle between the Cavaliers (Wrong but Wromantic) and the Roundheads (Right and Repulsive). Charles I was a Cavalier King and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"default","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"set","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-185","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/Pc5s0i-2Z","jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thefugitiveking.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/185","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thefugitiveking.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thefugitiveking.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thefugitiveking.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thefugitiveking.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=185"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.thefugitiveking.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/185\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1919,"href":"https:\/\/www.thefugitiveking.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/185\/revisions\/1919"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thefugitiveking.uk\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=185"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}